So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
