saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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