And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
