not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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