i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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