having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
