So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
