he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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