I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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