the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
