You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
