im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
