we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
