is wine microwaveable?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
