Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
