Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
