I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
