hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
