A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
