ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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