forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize