is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
