Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
