then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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