chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
