yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
