how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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