erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
