I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
