I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
