It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
