I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
