she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
