I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
