I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
