i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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