he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
