i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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