I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Semen is not good for contacts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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