Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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