Swine flu. Run for my life!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
