Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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