she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
