Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm passing your future prison.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
