I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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