I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
