Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
