What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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