I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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