tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
