i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
