we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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