she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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