Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
