you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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