i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
