if i can run in heels then i can drive
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's the barista slut.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
