You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
