Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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