david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
