When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
