I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sobbing to NWA
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
