i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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